good gadget glass guard image
Q. It was a huge risk. The several hundred, if not thousand, people buzzing around her only instigated the furious debate raging in her brilliant mind. Her pale hand took the red passport from her pants pocket and she glared at the name imprinted inside the little booklet: Lilly. Hazel eyes scanned the faces within close proximity questioning who was to die. Callous and cold the attitude may be, this mysterious girl in no way indicated nerves or fear; the feeling she couldnât control was guilt. Guaranteeing the plane would crash was questionable yet Lilly could not help but wonder whose deaths she would be responsible for.
A sudden knock caused the young woman to regain her focus as a camera wielding, tubby man barged past her muttering something to the device in his hand. The check in process was boring and mundane as Lilly explained she did not care where she was seated on the plane and faced questioning for her small amount of luggage.
Towering escalators, oddly positioned water fountains, an array of gadget shops and overpriced clothing stores... this London airport bared little difference to any other. The diversity of the manic and frenzied travelers had always fascinated Lilly and she witnessed several arguments, frantic sprinting and hurried shopping on her way to gate seventeen. Once in the penned area, the young woman looked at her passport once again sighing at the new name and date of birth. Too many conflicting thoughts raged in her head as she realized there was no guarantee the plane would even crash and after all, she had completed journeys safely before, why should this time be any different?
With a shudder, the huge âBluSkyâ aircraft roared to life and crept down the gigantic runway. This is it, thought Lily. The day I make them proud.
A makeup clad woman in impractical heels fiddled with the lifejacket over her head as she demonstrated the emergency procedure whilst the pilot informed his passengers of the current schedule. Lillyâs eyes scrutinized every person upon the plane, a few felt unnerved by her constant staring, and there was no denying her heart beat had quickened slightly as the jet rumbled before leaving the tarmac below. Her golden unkempt hair stuck to the glass as she watched the houses disappear from the cold window and began to consider when exactly the crash would occur. Not once could you see apprehension, or any emotion for that matter, within Lillyâs eyes and she always appeared calm yet unapproachable.
A wobbly drinks trolley rolled past several times within the ten hours the plane had been airborne and the revolting smell of airplane food swept through the compartments as the neatly packed meals were unleashed. Ten long hours had passed. Two hundred and fifty passengers squirmed restlessly in their seats as a sudden bang dominated the cabin â it was beginning.
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âIt was reported late this night that a 747 flying from Heathrow in London over to New York City has crashed landed in the middle of the Atlantic sea. Both American Coast Guards and British Rescue workers are currently prodding the water for any signs of survivorsâbut as for now, all are missing. Stay with us for more details on this disasterâ¦.â
The sounds of a television awoke Kelsie, who shook her head groggily, looking over to the other bed across the cabin. It was empty, and as she sat up, she decided to see what was happening. Opening the door and slipping out, she limberly crossed the hall into the bridge. Wrapped up in their robes, Mr. Wolff, Ms. Hallman, Seth, Annalise, and Roger were crowded around a television, watching the evening news.
âWhatâs happened?â she asked.
Mr. Wolff turned his head. âThe Darks, thatâs whatâs happened.â
âWhat did they do this time?â She came to stand beside Roger.
Mr. Wolffâs eyes never left the screen. âTheyâve just got a new member, it seems.â
âA new member? Why would they get a new member?â asked Roger, looking over at Mr. Wolff.
There was an uncertain silence. âIâm afraidâ¦I donât know.â
No....If I wrote it, how would I steal it?
A sudden knock caused the young woman to regain her focus as a camera wielding, tubby man barged past her muttering something to the device in his hand. The check in process was boring and mundane as Lilly explained she did not care where she was seated on the plane and faced questioning for her small amount of luggage.
Towering escalators, oddly positioned water fountains, an array of gadget shops and overpriced clothing stores... this London airport bared little difference to any other. The diversity of the manic and frenzied travelers had always fascinated Lilly and she witnessed several arguments, frantic sprinting and hurried shopping on her way to gate seventeen. Once in the penned area, the young woman looked at her passport once again sighing at the new name and date of birth. Too many conflicting thoughts raged in her head as she realized there was no guarantee the plane would even crash and after all, she had completed journeys safely before, why should this time be any different?
With a shudder, the huge âBluSkyâ aircraft roared to life and crept down the gigantic runway. This is it, thought Lily. The day I make them proud.
A makeup clad woman in impractical heels fiddled with the lifejacket over her head as she demonstrated the emergency procedure whilst the pilot informed his passengers of the current schedule. Lillyâs eyes scrutinized every person upon the plane, a few felt unnerved by her constant staring, and there was no denying her heart beat had quickened slightly as the jet rumbled before leaving the tarmac below. Her golden unkempt hair stuck to the glass as she watched the houses disappear from the cold window and began to consider when exactly the crash would occur. Not once could you see apprehension, or any emotion for that matter, within Lillyâs eyes and she always appeared calm yet unapproachable.
A wobbly drinks trolley rolled past several times within the ten hours the plane had been airborne and the revolting smell of airplane food swept through the compartments as the neatly packed meals were unleashed. Ten long hours had passed. Two hundred and fifty passengers squirmed restlessly in their seats as a sudden bang dominated the cabin â it was beginning.
--------------------------------------------------
âIt was reported late this night that a 747 flying from Heathrow in London over to New York City has crashed landed in the middle of the Atlantic sea. Both American Coast Guards and British Rescue workers are currently prodding the water for any signs of survivorsâbut as for now, all are missing. Stay with us for more details on this disasterâ¦.â
The sounds of a television awoke Kelsie, who shook her head groggily, looking over to the other bed across the cabin. It was empty, and as she sat up, she decided to see what was happening. Opening the door and slipping out, she limberly crossed the hall into the bridge. Wrapped up in their robes, Mr. Wolff, Ms. Hallman, Seth, Annalise, and Roger were crowded around a television, watching the evening news.
âWhatâs happened?â she asked.
Mr. Wolff turned his head. âThe Darks, thatâs whatâs happened.â
âWhat did they do this time?â She came to stand beside Roger.
Mr. Wolffâs eyes never left the screen. âTheyâve just got a new member, it seems.â
âA new member? Why would they get a new member?â asked Roger, looking over at Mr. Wolff.
There was an uncertain silence. âIâm afraidâ¦I donât know.â
No....If I wrote it, how would I steal it?
Answer
You obviously have talent at spinning a tale, but the writing is a bit cumbersome and some words are used oddly. For professional-grade writing, you have way too many modifiers (adjectives mainly). You should not describe every single thing with multiple adjectives. It makes the prose feel heavy and slow, and this is a scene that should be emotional.
Example: A sudden knock caused the young woman to regain her focus as a camera wielding, tubby man barged past her muttering something to the device in his hand.
First of all, I would wonder if the man was important in some way, since you gave him so much 'air time.' Being bumped into is a quick thing. It's over in an instant, but you make the reader notice 4 things about him. Do they matter to the story? I also find it odd that some guy rushing for the train is holding a phone and a camera at the same time. Also, the sentence is in passive voice. The subject of the sentence (the young woman) should be acting, not being acted upon.
Perhaps: She regained her focus when a tubby man muttering into his cellphone bumped her shoulder.
And about that emotion... The girl's about to blow up a plane! You told us she felt guilt, but didn't show it. Engage the reader by showing the manifestations of her emotions. Are her palms clammy? Do her eyes dart around or does she just merely 'look' at the people she's about to kill. Use specific verbs to create more reaction in the reader.
Finally, some odd word choices.
"people buzzing around her only instigated the furious debate raging in her brilliant mind." -- instigated means to start something, not to make it greater
"Rescue workers are currently prodding the water for any signs of survivors" -- prodding means to poke or push. I see a mental image of rescuers thrusting fingers into the ocean, or thrusting poles into it. Perhaps combing the water, or just searching.
Best of luck!
You obviously have talent at spinning a tale, but the writing is a bit cumbersome and some words are used oddly. For professional-grade writing, you have way too many modifiers (adjectives mainly). You should not describe every single thing with multiple adjectives. It makes the prose feel heavy and slow, and this is a scene that should be emotional.
Example: A sudden knock caused the young woman to regain her focus as a camera wielding, tubby man barged past her muttering something to the device in his hand.
First of all, I would wonder if the man was important in some way, since you gave him so much 'air time.' Being bumped into is a quick thing. It's over in an instant, but you make the reader notice 4 things about him. Do they matter to the story? I also find it odd that some guy rushing for the train is holding a phone and a camera at the same time. Also, the sentence is in passive voice. The subject of the sentence (the young woman) should be acting, not being acted upon.
Perhaps: She regained her focus when a tubby man muttering into his cellphone bumped her shoulder.
And about that emotion... The girl's about to blow up a plane! You told us she felt guilt, but didn't show it. Engage the reader by showing the manifestations of her emotions. Are her palms clammy? Do her eyes dart around or does she just merely 'look' at the people she's about to kill. Use specific verbs to create more reaction in the reader.
Finally, some odd word choices.
"people buzzing around her only instigated the furious debate raging in her brilliant mind." -- instigated means to start something, not to make it greater
"Rescue workers are currently prodding the water for any signs of survivors" -- prodding means to poke or push. I see a mental image of rescuers thrusting fingers into the ocean, or thrusting poles into it. Perhaps combing the water, or just searching.
Best of luck!
What can I use to inhibit my two year old from pressing the water and ice controls on the door of the fridge?
kiaw_02
My littler girl will be two next month and she is in the 96th percentile for height. While she has the height of a kid going on 3 she is a not yet 2. She wants to do big girl things but can't get it exactly right yet. She is tall enough to reach the water and ice levers on the outside of the refrigerator. This is a new pheromone. But yesterday she had to be changed 2X because she pressed it and without a cup it just shot down on her. She did actually try and get a cup the second time. We explained that she can just tell us she wants some water but of course it is really about wanting to do it herself. Our kitchen isn't set up where you can use gates to close the whole thing off. I picture a gadget that would shield, guard, or block little hands from pressing but I can't find such a thing. Has anyone seen anything like that or do you have other ideas? For now we just cut the water supply to the lin
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